The artwork is available as print in my shop
Recently my Instagram account was deleted. Unrecoverable deleted. And believe me, I checked. Several times. And even months later I have moments where a little fight lights up in me and I want it back. But there is no way. At least non that doesn’t include a lawsuit and a huge amount of money.
Facebook and Instagram just threw me out. Read more about what happened here.
The hardest part of this is that it takes a lot of work to build an audience. A lot! Hours every day to prepare my social media. To build a following, to interact with my crowd. Hours and Hours of work that are deleted by a click of a finger (by a probably very nice person who only does their job somewhere in the Philippines).
So I decided to give Instagram a break after having it deleted. Using the time to experiment with the possibility of not having Instagram and Facebook at all.
In the first few weeks, I was relieved. It felt good and free and powerful. I don’t need this tool! I don’t need to be connected to all the people at all times! I'm free!
But the longer I am away from Instagram the harder it is getting.
➤ I'm craving the app.
➤ I'm craving the thrill of the little red sign that tells me there was interaction.
➤ I'm craving the satisfaction of looking into other people’s worlds.
➤ I'm desperately craving the constant flow of distraction, giving me the freedom to avoid the real world, and my real problems.
➤ I'm craving the connections that tell me how awesome my work is.
I'm craving all of it although I know it is a deception.
Every part of this app is designed to keep me on it so everything is placed to create my ideal world. The body love messages I see every day, the plus-size queens that show themselves, the queer, fat, feminist art that I create myself and like to see others do too. The app is bending reality towards my own likings so I crave more of it every day.
There is a reason why the Matrix is more current than ever. (BTW if you never watched it now is the time) Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and co are ultimately similar to the idea of the Matrix. They feed us with the reality we crave so we stay in it as long as possible. For some, it is a comfortable world in which we can avoid the pain of reality, but ult imately it is NOT reality.
Like in the Movie, because everyone is in the Matrix it is lonely in the real world and frustrating and hard. Harder than I expected. I am craving the deception more than I have ever anticipated.
So the questions are: Will I betray Neo and step back into the Matrix (using Instagram as I did before)? or will I find a way to be Neo and bend it to my will (Using it instead of being used)?
If you are interested in more behind the scenes content by Andrea Forgacs visit her Patreon page where she talks about her creative business in a weekly podcast available nowhere else on the internet.